Nerdy Things

D&D 5e Warlock Subclass: Clippy Patron

noblecrumpet-dorkvision

Clippit or “Clippy” is the eldritch entity that resides in the Office Plane, a demiplane that takes the form of an infinitely tall office building filled with cubicles. Each cubicle houses a damned soul bound by chains of paper clips as they perform mundane paperwork for the lower planes as their eternal torment. The demiplane is reachable through the door of a brutalistic building in the city of Dis on Baator. Clippy does not profit from his work but simply enjoys helping others at the expense of his eternally damned employees. He will often seek out warlocks to aid in hopes that they will seek business with him in the afterlife.

Clippy Patron Warlock Features

Expanded Spell List: Clippy lets you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a warlock spell. These spells aid you in creating things, informing you, conferencing with others, and performing advanced searches. The following spells are added to the warlock spell list for you. When you cast Bigby’s Hand, it takes the form of a giant paper clip bent into various positions depending on its use. Chains of the Office Plane is a new spell detailed below.

Assistance: At 1st level, you can use your action to focus on one humanoid creature of your choice other than yourself within 30 ft. of you. Using your concentration, you provide aid to that creature. That creature may add 1d6 to any one damage roll of their choice during each of their turns.

Desktop Divination: Also at 1st level, you can use your action to detect all creatures within 300 ft. of you that are writing something and the nature of the inscription, but not its precise contents. For instance, you can determine that someone is writing a letter but not the contents of the letter or to whom the letter is addressed. You instantly learn the direction and distance to each writer in range relative to you.

Create Template: At 6th level, you can create templates of your spells to easily replicate them. Each time you complete a short or long rest, you may instantly create a spell scroll of any one spell from your list of spells known called a template. Any creature can use the template to use the spell scroll, even if they cannot normally cast spells. You can only have one template created at a time but you can change the spell stored in the template whenever you finish a rest.

Save Your Changes: Starting at 10th level, when you cast a spell with a duration of 1 minute or longer, you may immediately take 5 points of psychic damage to double the duration of that spell (up to a maximum of 1 hour).

Don’t Show Me This Tip Again: At 14th level, you can use your action to attempt to banish a creature you can see up to 60 ft. away. You target a living creature with an Intelligence score 4 or greater using your action. That creature must make an INT saving throw. On a failed save, the creature vanishes and reappears in the Office Plane (the home of your arcane patron). The creature remains there as long as you maintain concentration up to 1 minute. While banished in this way, the creature takes 2d10 psychic damage at the start of each of their turns. The target can attempt a new saving throw at the end of each of their turns, escaping on a success. During each of your turns, you can use your action to impose disadvantage on the creature’s next saving throw. If the creature is reduced to 0 hit points while banished or if they are banished for an entire minute, the creature becomes eternally trapped on the Office Plane where they are slowly transformed into a paper clip, one of the many that form the endless paper clip chains that weigh down the souls of the damned. Once you use this ability you must finish a long rest before using it again.

Spells

Chains of the Office Plane

3rd level conjuration
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 120 ft.
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 minute
Components: V, S

You call upon the paper clip chains of Clippy to bind your foes. You choose up to five large or smaller creatures within range, each no more than 10 ft. apart from at least one other target. The creatures become linked to one another in one long chain. Each creature becomes linked to the nearest other target. If two targets are the same distance from one another, you choose which ones are linked and how, as long as it produces one unbroken chain. All linked creatures move at once when one target moves and cannot move more than 10 ft. away from a target they are linked to. This unique movement expends the movement speed of all creatures in the chain until their next turn. An affected creature can attempt a STR saving throw using their action during their turn to break themselves free from the chain. On a successful saving throw, all creatures linked directly to that creature are no longer linked to that creature.

Conjure Office Supplies

Conjuration cantrip
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 5 ft.
Duration: 1 hour
Components: V, S

You summon your choice of either Calligrapher’s Supplies, Cartographer’s Tools, or a Forgery Kit. You also conjure a writing desk in a space within range. Only one set of tools and one desk can be summoned using this spell at a time. You may dismiss the summoned objects using a bonus action.

Clippit’s Magnificent Cubicle

7th level conjuration
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: 5 ft.
Duration: 8 hours plus half an hour for lunch
Components: V, S

You create an extradimensional doorway to a cubicle of Clippy’s Office Plane. The door will only open for creatures that speak the passphrase you determine as you cast the spell. The doorway leads to a 10 ft. by 10 ft. room. The room contains an ordinary desk with plenty of paper and writing implements. A medium sized humanoid employee wearing a collared shirt and khakis and the paper clip chains of the damned also appears in the room. The employee follows your commands to the letter, but at half the speed of a regular person. There are also various magical tools available which allow you to do one of the following:

Shred any one paper or parchment using your action.
Make a copy of any paper or parchment using your action .
Bind up to 100 pieces of paper or parchment together into a book using your action.
Cast Scrying (save DC 17) on a crystal cube located on the desk.
Copy images seen in the crystal cube onto a sheet of parchment or paper using your action.

Invocations

Clippy’s Binding Blade: (Clippy Patron, Pact of the Blade feature) You can summon a pact weapon that takes the appearance of sharpened paper clip with a hilt. Whenever you deal damage to a creature using this pact weapon, the creature must make a STR saving throw against your spell save DC or become restrained until the start of your next turn and take an additional 1d6 bludgeoning damage from the attack. Summoning this weapon takes a warlock spell slot and lasts for 10 minutes.

Paper Clip Familiar: (Clippy Patron, Pact of the Chain feature) You can summon an avatar of Clippy for your familiar when you cast Find Familiar. The avatar takes the form of a paper clip with eyeballs riding a floating sheet of paper. The familiar has the same statistics as an Imp but also grants you a +2 bonus to all INT, WIS, and CHA ability checks while it remains within 5 ft. of you as it provides you with useful assistance.

Page Navigation: (Clippy Patron, Pact of the Tome feature) You can detect paper and parchment within 300 ft. of you at will. You can use your action to teleport using your book of shadows to any piece of paper or parchment within 300 ft. of you by spending a warlock spell slot.

fuckyeahdnd

I’m beginning to think that Dungeons & Dragons was a mistake

captainsnoop

i love the storytelling in the Kirby games because of the ever-present implication that something extremely significant is going on in the background of Kirby’s peaceful life on Popstar

like, in the Kirby universe there’s this massive war between technology and magic and gigantic space demons with cat faces and you don’t get to learn anything significant about it.

you are looking at these events of cosmic significance through Kirby’s eyes, and all Kirby knows is that these are are assholes that caused his sandwich to fall on the kitchen floor this morning and they need to pay for that crime

like, imagine you’re some kind of cosmic warlord demon bent on dominating the universe, but somehow you blowing up a planet caused a sandwich to fall off a plate and that enraged the wrong extremely strong pink baby.

kirby doesn’t know or care who you are or what you’ve accomplished. you indirectly fucked with his lunch and now he’s coming to kill you.